


From Himself

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Again, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Han Solo Lives, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, M/M, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Slow Burn Darkpilot, The Force Awakens Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 22:12:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17475920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Kylo returns to the Resistance Base, and he and Poe Dameron begin to heal their relationship.





	From Himself

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Call this another fic that got too big for a challenge. Title is paraphrased from the gorgeous “Fallen” by Sarah McLachlan, which I highly recommend listening to.

The whispers followed him the moment he disembarked from the Falcon. General Organa’s wayward son, finally come home. Kylo Ren could hear them, not only the whispers uttered out loud, but the whispers uttered in their minds. 

_Ben Solo...what is he doing here?_

_I thought that he had died out there!_

_Such a nice kid; how’d he end up like that..._

Ben Solo the nice kid wasn’t there anymore. Kylo knew that. Just because he had been able to resist Snoke at the last minute didn’t mean that Ben Solo was back. A moment of selfishness didn’t make things better. There were so many things that he deserved, but compassion and forgiveness wasn’t one of them. 

“You okay, kiddo?” His father’s voice. “Come on; it’s okay...”

And it was one of those instances where Kylo wanted to say that nothing would ever be okay again. 

Even seeing Poe across the way, at the landing party, Kylo saw the look of shock, of elation — and then realization. Heartbreak. Poe made his way away from the landing party, and even watching him, Kylo knew that he deserved that much. Every part of it. 

It didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt, of course. But he did deserve it. Stars willing, he deserved it. He had hurt Poe Dameron. He had tortured him. Broken into his mind and shattered it...

”What happened, kiddo?” his father said. 

How was he supposed to even explain this to his father? “Yes, Father, I tortured Poe Dameron, the man I loved”? His father wouldn’t be looking at him with that forgiving, loving look if he knew half of what he had done...

Or did he already know? Stars willing. 

Kylo didn’t know. He only knew that he was too changed, fundamentally, to call himself Ben Solo again. 

***

He didn’t run away out of fear. He knew that much. He ran away because he was still trying to take it in, all of it, and taking it...

Taking it seemed all but impossible. 

Poe took a deep breath, forcing air into his lungs, even though it felt like his chest was filled with shattered transparisteel. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t take this. If it were a complete stranger, he could take it, but not Ben. 

It was Jess’ hand on his shoulder that brought him out of his shock. Reminded him of where he was. “Come on,” she said. “Let’s get a drink or something.”

”The General — ”

”General, shmeneral,” Jess said. “No disrespect to her, but her son hurt you. If she’s got a problem, she needs to sort out her priorities.”

Poe smiled faintly. “Thank you, Jess.”

They headed towards the cantina on D’Qar, not far from the Resistance Base actually, and Poe was grateful for Jess’ presence, and Snap’s and Kare’s, to name two others. He swore that Kylo — that Ben — was watching him. Let him watch, really. 

 Poe, meanwhile...Poe just needed a drink. 


End file.
